Why Disagreement Can Be Advantageous for You and Your Partner

Coexisting with a person for the rest of your life is not an easy feat. Accepting each other’s flaws and differences can lead to many disagreements. Despite what is portrayed in romantic comedies, disputing in a relationship is normal, and experts say it’s healthy.

According to a survey that involved 1,000 people reported that “couples who argue effectively are ten times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who sweep difficult issues under the carpet.”

Bickering can inspire immense positive growth in a relationship. Here are the reasons why disagreements are vital in a relationship and how you and your partner can come out of an argument stronger.

1. It gives you an opportunity to express your needs.

At times, it can be challenging to communicate our desires. Many people feel awkward and at times vulnerable. When arguing, you and your partner can finally learn what the other person needs to move forward in the relationship. In the DISC model, those with a DISC profile on the reflective or reserved side of the quadrant may have the urge to be careful and conscientious but need to comprehend that relationships are not perfect. In a relationship, the goal is not to strive for perfection but to strive for what is ideal for you and your spouse. When expressing your needs, the cautious and conscientious can use their calculating trait to their advantage. Communicate and provide feedback to each other using “I” statements. Point out the issue, describe how the situation makes you feel, and establish a middle ground together.

2. When you have disagreements, you learn how to give each other space.

Not all arguments should be long-lasting. When partners hold onto grudges, it can act like a snowball effect. Couples can grow further apart day by day, and the battle can suddenly progress into a war. Then there is the other side of the spectrum of disagreeing when you force a person to forgive you and move on. Active DISC personality types may feel the need to talk things out right away to get a fight “over and done with,” while passive DISC styles will want to walk away for time to think before coming back with a solution. Most people need space and time when learning to let go. The active personalities have to realize that an argument is a process and should not act in a way to silence someone. One partner’s feelings should not reign priority over another.

3.You and your partner will get to know each other better.

In happy moments, couples tend to wear their rose-colored glasses and only see the favorable sides of each other. Remember that with the good comes the bad, though. People are flawed. Partners should welcome the not-so-pleasant characteristics of a person because you will truly understand who a person is. People who fall into opposite sides of the DISC model can use this as a chance to grasp who their partners are and learn how to be patient with different DISC personality styles. When conflict arises, passive styles tend to retreat and shut down while active styles might want to dominate the situation. A kind and simple, “What’s wrong?” may do the trick.

4.Both of you can finally tackle the real issue.

In relationships, minor problems can mask what a person is really angry about. For example, when a spouse asks their partner to put the dishes away and the other fails to complete the task, it is not the dishes that are the problem. The problem is the lack of listening and lack of respect when failing to put the dishes away. Arguments should not act as a means to know who is right and who is wrong, but a means to find out what is hurting your partner. The slow-paced personality types of the DISC model have the ability to be patient with the partner who is apt to go in circles. The passive personality styles can use their steady and reflective side to reach their spouse. Listening is critical when it comes to arriving at a resolution. Seek to understand first.

5. You and your spouse will be able to set boundaries for the future.

Couples who have just had their first fight may view the experience as eye-opening. Not only to what bothers a person, but also how a person behaves when something bothers them. Respect should always be present no matter what in a disagreement between couples. Respect looks like: not hitting below the belt, refraining from vulgar jargon, and absolutely no physical abuse. What do healthy boundaries look like then? Healthy boundaries can involve asking your partner to lower their voice in a disagreement, respecting the space they need to overcome the issue, actively listening, and not assuming what the other person is thinking.

Our team at PeopleKeys recognizes that personal relationships are not easy to navigate. It is essential to gain an understanding of yourself and your partner in a relationship. PeopleKeys DISC Personality System, when taken together as a couple, can give you the self-awareness needed to help you see the other’s perspective and overcome your obstacles.

Read more on our blog about how to fight fair in a relationship.